Ventation.

**Read at your own risk

I hate talking to him. My dad. And above that, I hate that I hate talking to him. I hate that I cant have a normal conversation with him. I hate that I can't just talk about something to him. He always has something negative to say. There is always something that I'm doing wrong. I'm never in the right mind set. I'm never saying the right words. I'm never seeing the other side. I'm never ever doing it right. Or the way that he thinks it should be done.

I hate how I make him sound like the worst person in the world when he isn't. I'm never good enough. And he doesn't say those exact words. He doesn't need to. He isn't an awful person. I love my dad. But he is big into perfection. And he wont admit it. He will say that I'm good enough or that he loves me. But it's hard to believe without the actions to back it up.

Like I said before, I never saw him as a child. So in all honesty, I dont really know who he is anymore.

I never vent. It's not good. But when I do to my dad, he doesn't just sit and listen. Which is what I need sometimes. Not all the time. I realize that I need to hear the hard things as well. But for my dad it's different. It feels as though all that he does is tell me what I need to fix or what I need to realize. I dont get the support that I need. I dont trust him. And that scares me. A lot.

I feel like such a drama queen. I never talk about my problems and so when it catches up with me, things explode way out of porportions. I'm just on stress overload and I need to calm down. I just had to blog about it. It has been bugging me for a long time.

Peace. God's been trying to tell me that lately: He is willing to give it to me when I ask. It's out of this world. I can't comprehend it. I want it. I need it. And He wont let me down. I'm ready for some peace, Jesus. Sorry it took me so long to ask you.