Remember.

Now it all comes back to me now. This is why I’m never home and why I always busy myself. For some reason, when I’m home, I get in the worst moods. The weird thing is that it has nothing to do with my family. I guess it’s because I have time to think. Not to be depressing, but things aren’t always happy&bright. And I guess I dont focus on those things when I’m busy and when I’m with friends. I focus on the wonderful things in life. But when I’m just sitting here in my room like now, not doing anything, I have time to think. And my thoughts aren’t very positive all the time.

I’ve just been looking at myspace for the past few minutes. I haven’t been on there since forever ago! It made me laugh when I thought about logging on. But once I did, I didn’t exactly smile anymore. I just saw my friend’s profile of whom I dont realy talk to anymore. And it hurts to see how much people change.

I also saw one of my friend’s status and I got in a really irascible mood. I’m so confused! She is someone whom I love. Lately things have been so hard. It’s been hard to put into words. I dont like to talk about her because it ends up being gossip. And I hate gossip. So it’s hard for me to talk about it! I need to though. Ahh!!

I dont know if thinking through these things is a good thing or not. But it just gets me in a really bad mood. I’m sick of everything right now. And I dont know why. I’m irritable and I just want to be alone. I’m such a girl!!

Another thing: why do swear words have to be bad? Ah! I know I’m going to sound really dumb, but I dont care.. I wish I could curse. I wish I could say those words and not have a guilty conscious. I wish. Sometimes, when I’m in a bad mood, I just wish I could get away with a lot of things. I just want to slip into the easy way of life. I’m struggling. It’s so hard to keep up with God. It’s so hard to live like He did. It’s so hard to set an example. It’s so hard to be perfect. It’s so hard period.

I guess I know what I need to do: pray, get out of the muck of being iritable (it’s dangerous), be real, talk about it, read what God has to say about it, LISTEN and not just hear what He has to say, etc. I know what I should do. It’s a matter of just doing it that is the problem. I know that I dont have to be perfect. I know that I dont want to use words that dont resemble who Jesus is.

Having a bad mood will come once in a while. To everyone. But it’s my volition whether I let it affect me or not. It’s my volition as to if I continue to sit in that mad mood and just moop. It’s my choice. I have a brain.

I choose to get out of it. Ugh, I dont want to! I can be stubborn. Although it’s easy to sit in my room right now and just rant on how awful my life is, it’s not going to get anywhere. No matter how long my complaint list is, nothing will be done until I start doing something to change it.

And I know I dont have to go it alone. Jesus wants to help me. And He is the best person who can do the job. Alright. Let’s get out of this bad mood together, Jesus. I love you, man. Thanks so much for helping me. I cannot get enough of you.