Thoughts.

So for like the past week I have been wanting to blog about my thoughts. But every time I had the opportunity, I would start it out wrong. I would say something that wasn’t right and I would get confused and just stop altogether. But I think I’ll press through this one. Sooo we shall see how confusing and crazy it gets.

I had a sleepover with my amazing friend Allison on Saturday night. It was soo good. We stayed up until 4am just talking about a lot of different things. But I realized something about myself as I was reflecting.. I cant seem to express my thoughts very well. And I dont know why.

Another example was this morning at devos with the group. I had all of these thoughts in my head about the verse that I read and I wrote a summery of it on the paper since I got distracted super easily. But when it came time for me to share, it came out all.. well.. unintelligent! It didn’t make any sense. And I thought.. wow, why was that so hard for me? It’s not that I dont trust these people. I just didn’t know how to word my thoughts.

And I guess it could be because I dont want to spend an hour talking about me. Which is really how long it would take if I were to tell someone my thoughts. Which is a long time for one to talk about oneself! I need to try though. I need to get out my thoughts. It’s easy for me to talk about someone and give advice and my thoughts about that. But when it comes to me and what I’m thinking about.. well golly, I dont know where to start.

This got me thinking: what do I spend my time thinking about? And it took a while for me to think about this one. I really had no idea. I couldn’t pin point one specific topic that I rest my thoughts upon. And to be honest, it kind of made me go crazy! I then analyzed everything I thought about in a day. Not in a bad way, but I guess I just wanted to know what I truly spend my time thinking

I came to the conclusion.. that I have no idea. Still! I think about a lot of things. Things going on right in front of me, friendships, friend’s issues, my family, school, my future, my past, old friends of whom I dont speak to anymore, and the list goes on and on and on! And then I think about blogs. I seriously write a blog in my head every day. I just dont post them because I’m never home! Which is kind of weird to say.. but oh well.

I guess I’ve been troubled with what I think about. And I was thining today about how I can never express my thoughts outloud in a way that makes sense to even me. And I got worried! I felt like a little isolated child that cant speak right. But one of my good, awesome friends Phil was saying how practice makes perfect. And it was such a simple phrase! But there was soo much truth in that. I really do need to go out there and talk to people about my thoughts. I need to take the initiative and be bold. I get so scared to talk to people about my problems first because I dont want to bug them or, if I’m being honest, I dont trust their judgment.

But I need to stop! It’s not healthy for me. I cant always to be scared and keep everything inside. I have people that I trust and that I know will listen to me. And I need to get over the fact that I’m scared! It wont do anything. I have people who want to help me and are there for me. And I need to take advantage of that. :)

Sooo thanks to all of you who have said “I’m here for you.” Such a common phrase means the world to me. And I want to take advantage of it! I trust that you will be there for me. And I want to talk to you guys about my thoughts if you are willing to listen and give your input