Just Breathe.

“It doesn’t matter what people think.”

Wow, one would only be the 360,982,769,274,609,726,097,260,972,697,286th person to say that in my life!! Not to even mention how many times a day I tell myself that. But it’s soo much harder to live than it is to say it.

But I wont lie: it’s something I seriously struggle with.

There are things that certain people say or do that just get me. Their words &/or actions just pierce me. And the trouble is, I can’t get it out of my head. I dwell on those thoughts. And I overthink it!

Not okay. I let it affect me or my mood. I make it into it being about myself.. somehow! I’m not even sure how that happens. It could be soo far from being about me, and somehow, I connect it to being about me. I blame myself, I blame others, I pity myself.

Then I get frusterated. Because I had just spent all this time defending myself. Then what? Well.. nothing really. Except frusteration, getting discouraged, and exhaustion! Hmm, that doesn’t sound very fun. Not to me, at least. I’d rather not be frusterated. I hate it!

People’s opinions change daily. It depends on our mood, our situation, our maturity level, etc. I tell others that a lot. But what about telling myself? I do, for sure. But taking it to heart is a whole different story.

I’m not here to live for people. I’m not here to please the people around me. They are just as broken as I am. They are just as in need of help as I am. They are all searching for the same thing I am: hope. We are all in need of love. We are also designed to worship something.

For some, it may be food. It could be school. It could be money. It could be popularity. It could be oneself. It could be housing. It could be cars. It could be lust. It could be sex. It could be board games. It could be tv.

For me? It’s people.

Pretty ironic, huh? I love people so much. Almost too much. There is a point where I have to watch out for myself. There is also a point to stop loving people more than God. Wow, not good at all. Not okay. It’s dangerous! People are just that: people. Broken, pained, hurt, and imperfect people. And yet I worship them! Why the heck I do it? Well, there are many reasons. But for the most part it’s because I myself am broken and people are something that I can easily obtain & see. I can appear strong & invinsible.

As opposed to the God that I should worship. He knows that I’m not strong. I’m weak. He knows that I’m flawed. He knows it all. But he doesn’t expect me to be strong or perfect. He wants me just as I am: completely broken and messy. He cleans up messes. He heals my wounds. He loves me reguardless of where I have been or where I am. I dont need to come to him as a perfect little Christian girl. I dont need to come to him with my life figured out. Heck, I dont need to come to him with myself figured out.

Because most of the time, I dont.

He wants me to come just as I am. Which is soo refreshing. He wants to take my burdens away. He doesn’t want me to carry them. I dont want to carry them either. He wants me to surrender everything up to him. And why wouldn’t I? He is God!! He is definitely in control and is in charge. I trust him.

Soo.. why do I live for people again? Ha, what a silly question. I live for my Jesus. He is worthy. I may get sidetracked, but God always brings me back on track.

Sorry, my friends, I dont live for you. I dont live to please you. I will let you down just like you have let me down. So please dont live for me either. I wont satisfy you and neither will you satisfy me. So let’s stop this never-ending cycle! I wanna live for something worthy: God.

Because why wouldn’t you trust your life to the very One who gave it to you in the first place?