I've Got Nothing Without You.

It’s crazy how a new mindset can affect my day.

Listening to uplifting music.
Talking with good people.
Getting coffee <3
Seeing my wifey! (hahaha!)
Driving in general
even if it’s only 5 minutes to & fro somewhere
Not worrying
Giving it to God
Being honest
Being real
Not caring about how I look
Seeing friends I haven’t seen in a while
Working
Meeting some super cute kittens
Seeing my third mother!
Making plans
Singing so much it hurt
Being myself
Wearing something bright even if the weather isn’t
Feeling good about myself
Getting homework done .. kind of
Pumped for shopping tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today was a good day. It feels good to remind myself of the good things that happened today. Because when I take the time, a lot of good happens in one day. And I usually miss it. Not always easy, but always worth it. Tomorrow will be a good day, too. After all, each day is a blessing and not a right.

So.. thanks Jesus for today! Even if it wasn’t perfect. I know you have definitely thrown in blessings no matter what happened or will happen. Thanks for loving me unconditionally and consistantly. Thanks for listening to me even when I don’t listen to you. Thanks for always just being you. I can count on you and trust you. I love you so much. Thank you for loving me. You are the man.

Just Breathe.

“It doesn’t matter what people think.”

Wow, one would only be the 360,982,769,274,609,726,097,260,972,697,286th person to say that in my life!! Not to even mention how many times a day I tell myself that. But it’s soo much harder to live than it is to say it.

But I wont lie: it’s something I seriously struggle with.

There are things that certain people say or do that just get me. Their words &/or actions just pierce me. And the trouble is, I can’t get it out of my head. I dwell on those thoughts. And I overthink it!

Not okay. I let it affect me or my mood. I make it into it being about myself.. somehow! I’m not even sure how that happens. It could be soo far from being about me, and somehow, I connect it to being about me. I blame myself, I blame others, I pity myself.

Then I get frusterated. Because I had just spent all this time defending myself. Then what? Well.. nothing really. Except frusteration, getting discouraged, and exhaustion! Hmm, that doesn’t sound very fun. Not to me, at least. I’d rather not be frusterated. I hate it!

People’s opinions change daily. It depends on our mood, our situation, our maturity level, etc. I tell others that a lot. But what about telling myself? I do, for sure. But taking it to heart is a whole different story.

I’m not here to live for people. I’m not here to please the people around me. They are just as broken as I am. They are just as in need of help as I am. They are all searching for the same thing I am: hope. We are all in need of love. We are also designed to worship something.

For some, it may be food. It could be school. It could be money. It could be popularity. It could be oneself. It could be housing. It could be cars. It could be lust. It could be sex. It could be board games. It could be tv.

For me? It’s people.

Pretty ironic, huh? I love people so much. Almost too much. There is a point where I have to watch out for myself. There is also a point to stop loving people more than God. Wow, not good at all. Not okay. It’s dangerous! People are just that: people. Broken, pained, hurt, and imperfect people. And yet I worship them! Why the heck I do it? Well, there are many reasons. But for the most part it’s because I myself am broken and people are something that I can easily obtain & see. I can appear strong & invinsible.

As opposed to the God that I should worship. He knows that I’m not strong. I’m weak. He knows that I’m flawed. He knows it all. But he doesn’t expect me to be strong or perfect. He wants me just as I am: completely broken and messy. He cleans up messes. He heals my wounds. He loves me reguardless of where I have been or where I am. I dont need to come to him as a perfect little Christian girl. I dont need to come to him with my life figured out. Heck, I dont need to come to him with myself figured out.

Because most of the time, I dont.

He wants me to come just as I am. Which is soo refreshing. He wants to take my burdens away. He doesn’t want me to carry them. I dont want to carry them either. He wants me to surrender everything up to him. And why wouldn’t I? He is God!! He is definitely in control and is in charge. I trust him.

Soo.. why do I live for people again? Ha, what a silly question. I live for my Jesus. He is worthy. I may get sidetracked, but God always brings me back on track.

Sorry, my friends, I dont live for you. I dont live to please you. I will let you down just like you have let me down. So please dont live for me either. I wont satisfy you and neither will you satisfy me. So let’s stop this never-ending cycle! I wanna live for something worthy: God.

Because why wouldn’t you trust your life to the very One who gave it to you in the first place?

Emotional Days.

Soo. I feel like I’ve been getting off track a lot.

I always hope & wish for someone to text me, call me, msn me, facebook me, etc and just ask me how I am. Genuinely. And then talk about me & my problems. I wished for that for so long. I hoped that someone would come up to me and pray for me. I wished for someone to tell me that they pray for me.

But yesterday, I came to the conclusion that first of all, there are people who care about me & my problems genuinely. But more than that, I dont live for people.

(I can go into detail, but I wanna save that for a face-to-face conversation.)

I am not alone. I never have been. Yeah, I’ve been saying that my whole life. But I took it to heart just recently. God cares about my problems. I dont have to rely on people all the time, they will fail me. But God wont. He has been faithfully listening to me. He loves me. He asks me how I am. He cares about my rants. He wants to hear my complaints.

And more than that, he wants to get me out of the rut. He wants to encourage me. He wants to open my eyes up to what IS going right, rather than what is going wrong. He always reminds me of his love. And He always gets me outta that bad mood.

It’s incredible, really. He cares so much about me. And even when I dont feel that people do, I know he does. He focuses on me. He is proud of me! AH, incredible stuff!! I can’t believe it, but I do.

So I dont have to worry about what people think of me. I dont have to worry about who is going to ask me how I am today. I dont have to worry about not feeling loved. Because I am. I dont have to worry about tomorrow. I dont have to worry about tonight! And I dont have to worry about if someone cares.

Because Jesus always has.