Say whaaaa?

Wow, my last post was on July 22, 2010. How crazy is that? That was over a year ago.

You know, whoever is reading this, I can't even begin to describe how weird it is to see how much has changed in a year. At the same time, the things that I wrote in this blog, I totally would write that right now. In fact, I need to re-read those to remind myself.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this. I just know that I was blown away with how much has changed in my life in the past year. Earlier today I was going through my photos on Facebook. Holy smokes, I cannot even tell you everything that was going through my head while I was looking at them.

It's bittersweet! I want the past few years back but I don't at the same time.

Okay, I'm really not focused right now and I feel like God is beckoning me to spend some time with him. Soooooo my dear blogspot followers, I shall see you later. Who knows, it might be another year before I post on here before.

Peace out.

Galations 5:6

”..What is important is faith expressing itself in love.”

Faith is so important. It can heal, bring life, change lives, move mountains; anything. It is powerful. It is real. It is honest. It is essential in one’s life.

It’s so easy for me to forget what Jesus did for me. He willingly gave up his life to save me from utter death & destruction. He did it in love. I need to remind myself constantly of what He did: not to guilt myself, but to remember why I even have faith.

However, faith isn’t important if there is no love. Love covers all things. Love is the center of you and me. It’s the only reason you & I exist. No, I dont mean your parents having sex or ‘making love.’ I mean the love that God had to even create each one of us. He didn’t have to. But he wanted to! He loved you even before you were created. I wish everyone - including myself - actually knew what that meant. It’s too much for us to grasp.

Do all things in love. Live a life full of love. Let love be the reason for every action, thought, and word. It’s not about perfection. It’s not about a check list. It’s about your heart.

Galations 4:9
“So now that you know God (or should I say, now that God knows you), why do you want to go back again to become slaves once more to the weak & useless spiritual principles of this world?”

It’s so easy to give in. Love in this society isn’t looked upon as a good thing. If you were to express love to someone who isn’t ‘up to par,’ you would surely feel the consequences. But we dont live for this world! :D Thank God. This world scares me sometimes. It’s selfish & hurtful. But we aren’t bound by this standard, we are called for something different. We have a purpose!! To love those around us and to love ourselves. But more importantly, love God.

And once we truly fall in love with God, we begin to experience change in our whole lives. We love & respect ourselves and we love those around us. We aren’t perfect all of a sudden, but we have a reason to live.

Love is the basis for life. Keep loving as a lifestyle.

Love because God loves us first.. even when we don’t love him back.

I've Got Nothing Without You.

It’s crazy how a new mindset can affect my day.

Listening to uplifting music.
Talking with good people.
Getting coffee <3
Seeing my wifey! (hahaha!)
Driving in general
even if it’s only 5 minutes to & fro somewhere
Not worrying
Giving it to God
Being honest
Being real
Not caring about how I look
Seeing friends I haven’t seen in a while
Working
Meeting some super cute kittens
Seeing my third mother!
Making plans
Singing so much it hurt
Being myself
Wearing something bright even if the weather isn’t
Feeling good about myself
Getting homework done .. kind of
Pumped for shopping tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today was a good day. It feels good to remind myself of the good things that happened today. Because when I take the time, a lot of good happens in one day. And I usually miss it. Not always easy, but always worth it. Tomorrow will be a good day, too. After all, each day is a blessing and not a right.

So.. thanks Jesus for today! Even if it wasn’t perfect. I know you have definitely thrown in blessings no matter what happened or will happen. Thanks for loving me unconditionally and consistantly. Thanks for listening to me even when I don’t listen to you. Thanks for always just being you. I can count on you and trust you. I love you so much. Thank you for loving me. You are the man.

Just Breathe.

“It doesn’t matter what people think.”

Wow, one would only be the 360,982,769,274,609,726,097,260,972,697,286th person to say that in my life!! Not to even mention how many times a day I tell myself that. But it’s soo much harder to live than it is to say it.

But I wont lie: it’s something I seriously struggle with.

There are things that certain people say or do that just get me. Their words &/or actions just pierce me. And the trouble is, I can’t get it out of my head. I dwell on those thoughts. And I overthink it!

Not okay. I let it affect me or my mood. I make it into it being about myself.. somehow! I’m not even sure how that happens. It could be soo far from being about me, and somehow, I connect it to being about me. I blame myself, I blame others, I pity myself.

Then I get frusterated. Because I had just spent all this time defending myself. Then what? Well.. nothing really. Except frusteration, getting discouraged, and exhaustion! Hmm, that doesn’t sound very fun. Not to me, at least. I’d rather not be frusterated. I hate it!

People’s opinions change daily. It depends on our mood, our situation, our maturity level, etc. I tell others that a lot. But what about telling myself? I do, for sure. But taking it to heart is a whole different story.

I’m not here to live for people. I’m not here to please the people around me. They are just as broken as I am. They are just as in need of help as I am. They are all searching for the same thing I am: hope. We are all in need of love. We are also designed to worship something.

For some, it may be food. It could be school. It could be money. It could be popularity. It could be oneself. It could be housing. It could be cars. It could be lust. It could be sex. It could be board games. It could be tv.

For me? It’s people.

Pretty ironic, huh? I love people so much. Almost too much. There is a point where I have to watch out for myself. There is also a point to stop loving people more than God. Wow, not good at all. Not okay. It’s dangerous! People are just that: people. Broken, pained, hurt, and imperfect people. And yet I worship them! Why the heck I do it? Well, there are many reasons. But for the most part it’s because I myself am broken and people are something that I can easily obtain & see. I can appear strong & invinsible.

As opposed to the God that I should worship. He knows that I’m not strong. I’m weak. He knows that I’m flawed. He knows it all. But he doesn’t expect me to be strong or perfect. He wants me just as I am: completely broken and messy. He cleans up messes. He heals my wounds. He loves me reguardless of where I have been or where I am. I dont need to come to him as a perfect little Christian girl. I dont need to come to him with my life figured out. Heck, I dont need to come to him with myself figured out.

Because most of the time, I dont.

He wants me to come just as I am. Which is soo refreshing. He wants to take my burdens away. He doesn’t want me to carry them. I dont want to carry them either. He wants me to surrender everything up to him. And why wouldn’t I? He is God!! He is definitely in control and is in charge. I trust him.

Soo.. why do I live for people again? Ha, what a silly question. I live for my Jesus. He is worthy. I may get sidetracked, but God always brings me back on track.

Sorry, my friends, I dont live for you. I dont live to please you. I will let you down just like you have let me down. So please dont live for me either. I wont satisfy you and neither will you satisfy me. So let’s stop this never-ending cycle! I wanna live for something worthy: God.

Because why wouldn’t you trust your life to the very One who gave it to you in the first place?

Emotional Days.

Soo. I feel like I’ve been getting off track a lot.

I always hope & wish for someone to text me, call me, msn me, facebook me, etc and just ask me how I am. Genuinely. And then talk about me & my problems. I wished for that for so long. I hoped that someone would come up to me and pray for me. I wished for someone to tell me that they pray for me.

But yesterday, I came to the conclusion that first of all, there are people who care about me & my problems genuinely. But more than that, I dont live for people.

(I can go into detail, but I wanna save that for a face-to-face conversation.)

I am not alone. I never have been. Yeah, I’ve been saying that my whole life. But I took it to heart just recently. God cares about my problems. I dont have to rely on people all the time, they will fail me. But God wont. He has been faithfully listening to me. He loves me. He asks me how I am. He cares about my rants. He wants to hear my complaints.

And more than that, he wants to get me out of the rut. He wants to encourage me. He wants to open my eyes up to what IS going right, rather than what is going wrong. He always reminds me of his love. And He always gets me outta that bad mood.

It’s incredible, really. He cares so much about me. And even when I dont feel that people do, I know he does. He focuses on me. He is proud of me! AH, incredible stuff!! I can’t believe it, but I do.

So I dont have to worry about what people think of me. I dont have to worry about who is going to ask me how I am today. I dont have to worry about not feeling loved. Because I am. I dont have to worry about tomorrow. I dont have to worry about tonight! And I dont have to worry about if someone cares.

Because Jesus always has.

"I Just Love You!"

It’s crazy how the image of love is completely skewed nowadays. It’s just that- image. Sad. Love is more than appearance. More than having sex. And it’s definitely more than a phrase we use daily.


”.. Love each other in the same way I have loved you. There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” -John 15:12-13


That’s exactly what he did for you. Not to make you guilty, but to free you from that guilt. He loves you so incredibly much that he gave all that he had: his life, his all. And he was so powerful that not even death could hold him down. Why did he do it? Why go through the pain? For you. He loves you THAT much. He knew you would sin, mess up, & fall. That didn’t stop him. Never has, never will. That love that he has for you is commitment. Not easy or a breeze, but always there. Why wouldn’t you except that love? Even when no one has loved you, He has.


“And I am convinced that nothing can ever seperate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can seperate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below- indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to seperate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” -Romans 8:38-39


Nothing. His love goes beyond all we can imagine. He chases after us. Even though we don’t deserve it. That’s dedication. Stop putting your faith in people. They will let you down. Our love will fluctuate, but His never ever will. He is constant and so us his faithful love. Whew, I need it!


“Dont just pretend to love others. Really love them..” -Romans 12:9

Thoughts.

So for like the past week I have been wanting to blog about my thoughts. But every time I had the opportunity, I would start it out wrong. I would say something that wasn’t right and I would get confused and just stop altogether. But I think I’ll press through this one. Sooo we shall see how confusing and crazy it gets.

I had a sleepover with my amazing friend Allison on Saturday night. It was soo good. We stayed up until 4am just talking about a lot of different things. But I realized something about myself as I was reflecting.. I cant seem to express my thoughts very well. And I dont know why.

Another example was this morning at devos with the group. I had all of these thoughts in my head about the verse that I read and I wrote a summery of it on the paper since I got distracted super easily. But when it came time for me to share, it came out all.. well.. unintelligent! It didn’t make any sense. And I thought.. wow, why was that so hard for me? It’s not that I dont trust these people. I just didn’t know how to word my thoughts.

And I guess it could be because I dont want to spend an hour talking about me. Which is really how long it would take if I were to tell someone my thoughts. Which is a long time for one to talk about oneself! I need to try though. I need to get out my thoughts. It’s easy for me to talk about someone and give advice and my thoughts about that. But when it comes to me and what I’m thinking about.. well golly, I dont know where to start.

This got me thinking: what do I spend my time thinking about? And it took a while for me to think about this one. I really had no idea. I couldn’t pin point one specific topic that I rest my thoughts upon. And to be honest, it kind of made me go crazy! I then analyzed everything I thought about in a day. Not in a bad way, but I guess I just wanted to know what I truly spend my time thinking

I came to the conclusion.. that I have no idea. Still! I think about a lot of things. Things going on right in front of me, friendships, friend’s issues, my family, school, my future, my past, old friends of whom I dont speak to anymore, and the list goes on and on and on! And then I think about blogs. I seriously write a blog in my head every day. I just dont post them because I’m never home! Which is kind of weird to say.. but oh well.

I guess I’ve been troubled with what I think about. And I was thining today about how I can never express my thoughts outloud in a way that makes sense to even me. And I got worried! I felt like a little isolated child that cant speak right. But one of my good, awesome friends Phil was saying how practice makes perfect. And it was such a simple phrase! But there was soo much truth in that. I really do need to go out there and talk to people about my thoughts. I need to take the initiative and be bold. I get so scared to talk to people about my problems first because I dont want to bug them or, if I’m being honest, I dont trust their judgment.

But I need to stop! It’s not healthy for me. I cant always to be scared and keep everything inside. I have people that I trust and that I know will listen to me. And I need to get over the fact that I’m scared! It wont do anything. I have people who want to help me and are there for me. And I need to take advantage of that. :)

Sooo thanks to all of you who have said “I’m here for you.” Such a common phrase means the world to me. And I want to take advantage of it! I trust that you will be there for me. And I want to talk to you guys about my thoughts if you are willing to listen and give your input